Last Long in Bed By Controlling Your Arousal

Premature Ejaculation Tip:
Cure early ejaculation by becoming aware of the phases of arousal.

In order to cure early ejaculation we have to be able to control our minds, our breath and sexuality itself. When we speak about sexuality in this case we refer to our ability to control arousal ,which is correlated with our ability of being aware about how aroused we are. This needs a certain level of sensory refinement.

If you are a compulsive masturbator you might have a brain that is not very wired to perceive all the different subtleties of lovemaking. The problem with compulsive masturbation is that you are often “on” or “off”. There are no variations of inbetween. A compulsive masturbator addicted to Internet pornography will often go straight to the most exciting pictures. He will look at them getting excited straight away firing cortisol and dopamine in his brain. His attention would typically be more on arousal he gets in “his brain” than a deep conscious feeling of the whole body.

In this kind of activity the mind is completely focused on the images. Before you know it you reach a level of excitement where you want to get off, you pull out your penis and ejaculate. I know this sounds very rough but this is unfortunately the kind of sexuality practiced by many men now adays. In this way sexuality gets disassociated with the body and becomes a very cerebral thing. Either you’re on or you’re off.

Learning to control your arousal is one of the biggest keys in learning to control your orgasm and should indeed be one of your biggest goals. Here we should underline that we are not speaking about avoiding arousal but of becoming aware of our levels of arousal. Many men try to remove arousal by thinking of grandma or brocolli. This doesn’t work nearly as effectively as simly becoming aware of how aroused you are. By trying to think of other things while making love you make yourself guilty of repression. Don’t repress! Become aware instead. Awareness gives you an ability to embrace things instead of pushing them away (with brocolli and grandma!).

Awareness gives you a very deep level of control. Controlling without awareness leads to brute force. Controlling with awareness leads to refined subtlety. Its like learning to ride a horse. A good rider knows the horse and can give subtle cues to where he wants the horse to go. An unskilled rider has no skill whatsoever. He drives his heel into the body of the horse and it races of leaving the rider in the dust. Your sexual energy is a wild powerful animal and you need to know how to communicate with it. Only then will it take you where you want it to go. It is one of the key elements in this school of life for men. We must learn to control our sexuality because otherwise our sexuality controls us.

By controlling your arousal you prevent too much energy (blood, bio electricity, chemical reactions) in building up causing the ejaculation with orgasm. With the awareness you learn through relaxation and massage (which we speak of later) you learn to maneuvre your horse in a parasympathic state.
Men who control their sexuality are experts at keeping their bodies in a parasympathic state. The moment you switch over to a sympathic state your horse starts to run wild.
Before learning to control arousal you should understand how it works. First of all nobody can explain in full details how arousal and the human sexual response works. It’s very complex involving hormones, physiology, psychology, energy systems etc. Nomatter all this complexity one can roughly divide the process of arousal into the following steps:

Phase 1: You are not in any way stimulated.
Phase 2: A physical or mental sensation starts the arousal and the penis starts to fill up with blood.
Phase 3: The erection becomes full. You are still relaxed and in a parasympathic state. The pulse rises a bit and your testicles loosen up.
Phase 4: Arousal shoots up. Warm sensations arise in the genital area as there is more blood. The glans of the penis becomes bigger and more purple in color. The pulse rises and the breath goes up. The testicles pull up towards the penis. The sympathic nervous system is activated.
Phase 5: The intense arousal and continued physical and psycic stimulation has lead to a continous accumulation of energy in the genital region and your nervous system has been stimulated enough to start the ejaculation process. The muscles start tensing and pulling together rythmically
Phase 6: After passing the point of no return the orgasm starts followed by ejaculation.
Phase 7: Postludium. The man crashes over on his side and depending on his level of tiredness and romance he falls asleep leaving the woman wondering if that was it.

Many men go through life without ever being aware about their different levels of arousal, much less caring about how to control it. With the analogy of the horse its like either the horse is completely still and not budging and inch or its racing wildly off with you on it desperately trying to make it slow down.

With the aforementioned phases its important to remember that there is no fixed time limit for these processes. It might stretch over 5 minutes or 5 hours. You are the one that decides the pace!

Its also important to understand that going into phase 3 can happen without physical stimulation. This is what happens in nervous young inexperienced men. Simply looking at the woman in front of them sends them into phase 3 and with one touch he is gone. This is also what happens to men who are too engaged in pornography. They enter stage 3 straight away looking at the pornography becoming more and more aroused. When the arousal becomes big enough they whip out their mandom and ejaculation occurs quickly.

The whole idea behind learning to control your ejaculation is to keep your body in a parasympathic state as long time as possible. You should keep yourself in phase 3 as long time as possible. You should learn to recognize the phases so you quickly can identify them.
The moment you cross over into phase 4 it becomes very difficult to go backwards unless you completely stop and relax your whole body waiting up to 30 seconds for your level of arousal to go back to phase 3.
As I mentioned before, awareness gives power. By becoming aware of where you are in your arousal curve gives you the ability to control the arousal.

It is also of great importance to know that you should not wait til the last moment before starting to control your arousal. Make it into a habit of becoming aware of where you are in your arousal curve from the moment you meet a woman til the moment you climax. This is a great source of self-knowledge and you will be very happy you did this. In the next chapter about mental control we will give you techniques which ampliphy your ability to become aware in any situation. Awareness is a state of mind that must be cultivated and refined and meditation is one of the best ways of doing this.